well i havent been on this thing much cause ive been busy with work and things
chirstmas day was good had family gathering and swimming ..and spend the rest of the night out
then boxing day was good spend it with jodie and family and my speshool person.
today went to the city with my sister and brought my ticket to dubbo yes i am going away for a month to melbourne and dubbo
so exicted ^^ im happy.
i went to myers and while i was walking around all i could think about was that night where that talk started and i
will always and still remember.
i hope someday to go overseas and vist my grandma before its too late . i didnt get a chance to say goodbye to my grandpa but its too late now
couple more sleeps and new year is too come.
i miss those memoriies and i wish i can turn back time but i know i cant .its hard when you feel that things are starting to change and theres nothing you could do aboutit but try to either accept it or runaway from it but no matter what happens i will try to be strong.and evern though knowing that it hurts to have a feeling or a image of losing the one you love. cause in the end love does hurt .yay! i am looking forward to melbourne and dubbo and when i come back i will work hard to pay rent ... xD xxxx Mandyy well nothing much today is chirstmas eve and i was working all good
took hoilday leave for next month next year for hoildays ^^ yay get to travel
once agian .... i havent for such a longtime.
... i hate to be followed around . but yes these couple weeks i have been followed .
oo yesterday i spent the day with my friends we exchange chirstmas presents
it was all good then i had to go to work ...
hmm.. yay its chirstmas tomorrows .. but by the time i post this entry its chirstmas already
..i havent been too well lately nows i go to stick to my meds till the end of summer
my eczema is bad i just wish i never had it at all .
alot of things have been bothering me lately tho. cant really say rather just keep it all to myself.
even though it isnt good to .
i miss everything that was use to be
hehe better be off to bed nows ^^ okay so i havent been able to update as i use to... i even try to mobile blog but stupid box wouldnt let me write anything just the title...well during last week and this week ive been working . um this chirstmas and boxing day is going to be great and then next year im off to hoildays ^^oo yes i also passed my hsc.. now days i dunno. i dont know what im doing or what to expectall i can do is try to run away from reality when really i cant .. i dont know how to make choices cause they end up being confusing .my eczema is quite bad .. this season im stuck takeing medication agian and no more swimming i guess it will only hurt me more :( thats the only reason why i would refuse to go swimming..its getting late and i better get to bed .. atm i got this massive stomach ache ==;; and got work agian tomorrows xxxx mandyyi havent been able to post cause my net is cappedive been nothing much ... but im sorry i hurt others when i least expected so im sorry .im so frustrated and lost i dont know what to do anymore.christmas is next week im busy too. umm my ezcema is acting up really bad i think when ever i go swimiing it will hurt =( but hey what can i do nothing it happens when it happens .well soon i have to get ready for work ^^ xxx Mandyy ... today woke up and went to the city with my sister to book ticket for nxt yr and then bought a new phone .. and i have to buy the memory card . xD hmm then work nothing much has happend today .this year is going fast .. i find out my results soon.. this month i havent really had much luck .hopeing next year will be better . i dunno what to think anymore or what to expect.everything that i once knew is all coming to a change .will the one that you love still love you endlessly? will the one that you miss will miss you back?or will things come to a close and nothing not even a single thing will be the same as before?sometimes i hate the fact that when the perfect person is right there by your side and theydon't even realize it until you actually truly say it to there face.. but what will the reaction be?? a postive or negative..this is sometimes what goes through my mind and sometimes its hard to say what you want to say. and most times its best to say nothing at all to save the friendship and not take the risk... but its all so complicated still --> confused =O hmm i miss going to ice skating thoughwell its am nows i better get to bed got work tomorrows .xxxx Mandyy ...finshed work today it was okay busy as usual .. came outta work went to woolworths then waited for my dad to pick me cause i missed the last bus .. grr hmm im shiiting myself cause the HSC results come out this week ... hope for the best XDwell tomrrows before i start work im going to book my ticket ^^!and yeps today's weather was also windy XD.. what do u do when all things come to an end and that the day seems grey?as you move towards memory laneall you could remember is nothingbut those memoriies of what it use to be?the changes , the laughter , the tears , the hugs, the kissses and those endless nights & days.what do you do when things start to become tough?and theres nothing else that you can do but feel so blue ?and wonder why somethings turn out different to what it's suppose to be?...xxxx MandyyxD wasnt able to update my blog yesterday because my net is once agian capped hmm nothing much had happened just work and more work ^^ it helps to keep my mind off things . and thats about it ...In these days i felt like nothing within those words i felt like i was gonna die knowing that without youi wouldnt be able to hold it all back In a weeks or so I felt like i couldnt breathe and didnt know what to think.but nows its been so long nows i feel fineand knowing such painwasnt that greatbut it made me feel stronger .and I promise i will no longer cry . knowing that in the endi will always be me no matter what .well nows i gtta get ready for workxxxx Mandyytoday i didnt really do muchwasnt in the mood .. hopefully finshed my chirstmas shopping and yer went to see twlight with my sister it was the best moviie i ever saw ^^apart from that it was raining it was perfect weather if someone was truly crying cause no one would noticeit will be from the rain and all bleh .. got work tomrrows . i hate the way that i am feelin rite nows xD ..... hmm... atm im just surfin the net and doing nufin.. i know i will cry?but as i try to be strong it just comes one by one .can't feel nothing but numbness and pain knowing that someday i will remain the strong person that i can become ..during this time and through the many years of life to come.just wondering why as i get closer it all just fades away left with the memoriies of yesterday and memoriies of the years ..i will say to myself be strong no matter what the cost is .. well its like 12.13Am a new day and im still up can't sleep hahas i ate custard but it had alkie in it .. tasted odd though xD added new music to the site as well didnt do much yesterday bumming at burwood and bankstownchristmas shopping =O and yer bookiing ticket next week xD ..and working too .omg i guess things are sometimes best left unsaid . i wanna escape from the pain when it comes but i can't knowing how much it will hurt without thoughts and that bleh . shit happens .fuck im still thinking how things can be 'Complicated' ... i cant do anything but watch it all disapear .. watching everything fall apart i really miss when i was a kid everything use to be so simple everyone was together and happy but nows one by one group by group everything is difting apart sooner or later the family will be outta touch *sighs*apart from that yesterday was cold xD ... xxxx Mandyy.. havent been really on this much only cause been busy and alot of thinking .. fuck why does everything have to be so complicated >.< i think the fact that after that day ive been really confused i dont know what to expect anymore cause in the end what ever happens happens . i feel like everything is all messed up ... XD well chirstmas is around the corner i know that this year's chirstmas wouldnt be the same its all apart of the changes . today i was meant to go to ontrack but i was tired and couldnt be bothered so instead i wentdown to bankstown to get chirstmas presents . although everytime i walk into myers i always re think of that night .ive been working too which is good get my mind of things .its exactly one more week till the HSC results come out and hope for the best xxx Mandyywell didnt do much just work and the buses changed there timetable andthe routes .what do you do when changes start but never ends ?and the fact that it affects the things in everyday life?what do you do when something bad happens and can'tthink but feel the pain?what do you do when you can't think of anything but that one special person?and wonder how they are doing?what do you do when you realize things werent the same and they change all withinone day -one week -one month- one year ?xxx MandyyDear dairy...well today i had work it was busy and yer alot of customers and such..came early to work and help fix the things up and stuff then prepared to start work and the busy day had started..i had a 15min break at 9.56 then had an hour break at 12 .throughout the day it was okay .. i became tired and moody atm im tired and im moody lolhad an arguement with my mum about issues and yer i wasnt in the mood . but nopes she pushed it further ...came home called my hunniie.. oops i forgot he was at a party though .. and yes yes ive been very annoying to others today dunno what's wrong with me .. maybe its pressure and stress from work?? LOL ..well i got work agian tomorrows better get to bed .. if i can sleep lol xxx Mandyywell today woke up blogged facebook-ed and watched tv and atethen caught a bus down to bankstown and to wait for my friend lauren to go to the moviiesit was all good . we went to eat nando's and then went to watch four hoildays and i saw my other work friend then after the movies waited for taxi ... they took ages so we went to the station and caught taxi from there .and it only cost $12.00 pretty cheap then came back home today was a good day ..and its back to work tomorrows ^^ i better head off to get to bed so makes it easier to wake upin the morning xxx Mandywhat do you do when things are changing and things aren't the same?walk away and pretend that things aren't as it use to be?or scream till you can accept the things or still hate the way they are?and that no matter how much you want the things to stay how it is ?no matter what kind of change and how badly you want them to stay but it doesntit just all changes within one day?and the fact that you breathe a little and try a little more nothing helps to ease the painful thoughts ? when you realize that nothing helps but standing inside that one little box of memoriies at that one little spot at your favourite place ? not knowing what to do but to feel alone and bitterness into a world of unknown? then you question yourselfwhat do you do when the changes are coming and you lose the most important treasure to you?so what's it gonna be ? . today woke up late so didnt go to my agency so i bummed at home watching tv and talking to my hunnii and went to chirstmas shopping and developed more photos then came home . i got another UAC letter . i dunno why this month i feel like everything is falling apart its like this feeling and under pressure kinda feeling . i sometimes wonder what would of happen if i went to another school would i be able to achieve better ? well too late now .. scrap that shit! =Ohmm anyways i hope which ever the pathway i choose i hope my choices wont stuff up. cause right now i feel like im SCREWED! i use to think that life was simple in the outside world but nopes it can be full of shit when you least expected it but now that i have completed my schooling its time for furture schooling hopeing to achieve well in the trainieship and then onto uni hope for the best and that it is as well a new chapter in my life even though some of the people i use to know went there sepreate pathways and only the true friends stayed . never thought that would happen but it did . now its the furture and the outside world many more friends a to be made along the way .at the moment im hungry so im chowing on some chicken noodles = -D yum! hmm its 11.57pm soon it will hit midnight im still awake.still thinking , still wondering , still confused, broken but not fully will i ever get into uni ? time will tell weather i do or not . *sighs* weather today is cold and cloudy .. now its 12.01Am its another day .atm i miss my hunniie i send him my *hugs & kisses* ^_^ well thats it for nowsxxx Mandyokay so havent updated since last month. omg its summer time has gone by so fast. busy though as well . work last weekend was good busy ^^ umm last night i stayed up completeing my piczo site before my net becomes capped agian.and =O nearly there its lagging so much . today had that movie day with my friends but it ended up as me and layla it was still good we went shopping instead. and i went and bought jodie's chirstmas present i was like um i dunno which one so layla helped me to choose thank you ^^weather over here is hot lol came home and just slept cause i was so sleepy. been christmas shopping too um then boxing day my hunnie is coming over ^^ hmm and then on the 18th of this month im booking my ticket before the prices rises ^^! ... i was walking into myers .. me and layla was in the perfume section omg .. i love the smell of that japan brand lil angel perfume it smelt nice ^^ LOL. although i got my strawberry perfume too ^^hmm. during the last week i was chowing down some strawberry licorce my favourite .. even though its unhealthy but still yum! LOL i think during this hoildays i'll be chowing down alot of junk food.. =O still looking for child care stuff xD . hope for the best . i think i will always remember that thursday with me and my hunnie and that talk .i will always remember those three words that he said to me I Love You. <3xxxokay so yesterday i had work busy busy .. LOL and alot of angry customers too .it was all goods then went home and went to bed. XDhmm. now today i had work agian once agian busy stuff . um . . i signed up for extra shifts yay! and still looking for child care ^^after work went out for dinner .. lol my dad has bad road rage .. ^^!!atm im soo sleepy.. so i cant really be bothered writing much atm. found another quote.As I lay there in your armsI drew the letters I love youon your back thinkingyou werent paying attention then youlooked at me and said I Love You Too.xxxx omg. its 10.43pm and i ment to be sleeping cause i got workatm i can't sleep for some reason. so i am eating yogurt and found more quotes xDhmm well its getting late better get some sleep dont wanna fall alsleep while working .... ^O^.....when i met you i thought it was coincidencewhen i fell for you i thought it was likewhen i was with you i thought it was luckbut now that i've found you its not coincidence its fatenow that i've fallen for you its not like its love& now that im with you its not luck its destiny_____________________________________`if you dont love him , he'll leave you.`if you argue with him, he says you're stubborn.`if you're quiet, he says you're stupid.`if you speak your mind, he'll call you a bitch.`if you call him , he says you're clingy.`if he calls you , you're expect to be grateful.`if you don't fuck him, he'll say you don't love him.`if you do , he'll say you're easy.`if you tell him your problems , he'll say you complain too much.`if you don't , he'll say you don't trust him.`if you break a promise, you can't be trusted.`if he breaks a promise, it's because he had to.`if you cheat, he expects it to be over.`if he cheats, you're suppose to be forgiving >.<xxxxxtoday i have completed my work placement ^^ i enjoyed iti think out of the whole thing it was the best experience i ever had.now its another chapter its onto finding a job in child care hope all goes well.it was raining today i got soaked. came home and showered and went straight to bed .and got up ate dinner and called my hunnii .it was also a storm .. i slept right through it .thoughout the experience i achieved a good feedback from the child care .atm i miss my hunnii and tomorrow is another day i got work ^^ xxx 
okay so yesterday i had play group it was good although it was so cold xDthen i was down at bankstown to get boxes yepps i went through a big clean up and chucked out all the junk and kept all the important things. and i was onto facebook and talking to my hunni today this morning i almost woke up late xD ...i went to child care it is the 2nd last day of my work placement . there was alot of children today and it was all good i learnt how to carry a baby ^^ it was all good then after that i went home . hopeing to get a nap ..but i forgot my keys grr .. so i went to bankstown and sat in the libary and reading but instead i fell alsleep lol. then later i met up with my sis and bummed then she went home and i was with my parents it was all good. everyone is prepareing for chirstmas atm i miss my hunni and i have finally finshed cleaning ^^ xxxxwow its been a while since i wrote on this been busy and couldnt be bothered most of the times .
lol well last week i had child care it was good and last thursday and friday i was with my hunnii i enjoyed being with him =]
then saturday i had work but it was okay i guess. woke up to some uneasy things . i dont know why
when ever things start to get worst i feel like crying i wish i could be stronger and not to show emotion at all
no matter how hard i try it just seems to fail. i know that when i get upset i dont react to things normaly but i'll try to become calm
and try and not to cry . but when i do cry i just go to my favourite places where no one would know where to find me unless they
know me well or if i can't control it it will just come out.
work was soo busy cause everyone is at chirstmas shopping and sunday was busy as well everyone was moody .
everyone is into the chirstmas sprit lol i know my neighbours , my dad as well as my family's chirstmas sprit will never die.
but chirstmas will be never the same without my grandma i miss her .
hmm after chirstmas is boxing day . i hope it will be a great day . family gathering is during the day . hope that all goes well.
today i was meant to have child care but it was cancelled . play group was anyway.
so ive been cleaning my room up ^^ . it keeps my mind off things .
atm i miss my hunni .
on last saturday i went out with my work friends it was good we watched sex drive
it felt good to laugh since i wasnt in a great mood. ^^ xxxtoday was another day in child care it was kinda quiet due to wet weather .
the playdough was flying everywhere though lol.
i enjoyed my time in child care only one more day left
then after that i went to bankstown to develop photos ... mhm.. and along the way
i was being followed. by the person i hate most. grr .. just F*** O*** !! stalker. .
other than that today is soo gloomy
nawss and i miss my hunnii . hope he is ok?
yay tomorrows i get to see him ^^
i wonder will it be hard to find a child care to take me in so i can do my trainieship i hope soi think this trial experience as well the ones in tafe are both similar and i have learnt alot from them both.hmm.. i slept and then woke up to have dinner it was like the first time we ever talked as a family and sharing storiies .. it rarely goes like that .. it is usually they are too serious .. =O other then that .. nothing much been happening.i hope tomorrow will be a great and sunny day ^^atm... im not doing much either. .just sitting around listening to music.. i miss my hunnii atm .xxxxwell update on the posting i havent done it in a while
last saturday i had work it was soo busy.... cause of chirstmas. it was also my anniversary
after work i got to spend time with my hunnii ^^ naws i miss him atm
then on sunday didnt do much. then i was talking to my hunni
monday i couldnt be bothered staying at home.. i was soo bored soo i tagged along with my sis and we went to hurstville and miranda
it was all good...but no matter where i was i was thinking of my hunni wondering how is he going.
now today i woke up early. so i thought and i had to get out to catch the bus to bass hill for my trial work at child care
i was kinda lost when i got there... so i was asking for directions and then eventually found my way ^^ by the time i got there i was introduced to the staff and waiting on what to do .. then i was helping setting up the play area then when it hit 9.30 everyone came . i met this lady who was doing the simliar thing that i was doing as well as many others. i noticed that the children speak different languages but thankful that i knew how to speak there langauge.
throughout the day i also noticed some kids from TVET child care that i looked after recently where there and that most kids get attached quick .
i enjoyed the day it was good . i am also happy that it is all a nice and friendly envrionment and i can choose when i want to come back and now. . i think this
is a start of something?? ...
other than that my grandpa came out of hospital which is good.
i wonder what the furture would be like? i was also doing my piczo website and uploading pictures on facebook .. thats about it.atm. i just came back home from child care and doing nothing but bumming in my room..it is another quiet day today i didnt do anything i just slept and was talking to my hunnii naws i miss him so much. its the hoildays.. should do something productive but no one to hang with cause everyone is on hoildays or busy. well. i dont know what to do these days.. saturday got work next tuesday got work experience thats about it. At times i feel really uneasy cause it feels like in my family that everything is falling apart and wasnt as it use to be. the weather is warm agian.and tommrrow i got clearence day at school at 12PM.. not looking forward to it. christmas is around the corner.. what to what to.. i just dunno i really dont know anymore since the HSC and school is finshed.xxx |
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